Questions and Directives for Mutual Interviews

Remember that you are talking together (“interviewing each other”) for the positions of each other’s health care proxy. This is a serious role, so you want to focus on getting to know each other well enough for making such a decision. The directives and questions that follow are intended not just to get you talking (Just Meeting & Warmup), but to help you accelerate the process of coming to know each other well enough to make your health care proxy decisions.

The grouping and numbering are simply suggestions for working through the items. However, each person should answer each question you choose. Assuming there are two of you working on this list (three is also reasonable), one of you could always go first, you could alternate, or you could flip a coin for each item.

Just Meeting

  1. Briefly describe your base family (parents, siblings, extended family)
  2. Give a compact description of your life: education, work, marriages and children, if any; Max 4 minutes.

    3. Warmup

  3. What’s a skill you’d like to learn, and why?
  4. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
  5. Given a choice of anyone in the world, who would you like to meet for a couple of hours at coffee, or even as your dinner guest?
  6. Do you think of yourself as a strongly political person, as a strongly spiritual person, or both, or neither?
  7. Describe one or more of your role models and why you find them admirable.
  8. What’s your relationship to screens: (social media, gaming, online news, TV, etc.) —— a. social media, b. gaming, c. online news, d. TV, e. etc-other
  9. Do you feel that individuals should be completely autonomous in their lives with respect to major decisions (e.g., romantic partner, marriage, children, treatment of their body, major medical decisions, etc.), or should they at least partially integrate themselves into groups such as local communities or religions or subcultures, etc.
  10. How close and warm is your family? How did that affect your childhood?
  11. As far as you know and understand at present, is there anything that could bar you from acting as someone’s HCP?
  12. Broadly, are you generally accessible by phone?

    13. You, Socially

  13. What’s something you’re proud of that you don’t often get to share with other people?
  14. What sorts of things would like to be able to say No to more often?
  15. What kinds of social situations do find most fun or fulfilling (generally positive)? Which are the most difficult for you?
  16. Are there things about a difficult social situation which can make you more comfortable, make you feel safe?
  17. When do you feel like you’re a part of something bigger than yourself?
  18. What sorts of things disarm you when you’re feeling angry at someone?
  19. What do you think are some of your greatest interpersonal strengths? Share an example or two if you feel up to it.
  20. What sorts of things make you feel the most cared about?
  21. Do you consider yourself a people pleaser?

    22. Interests and Beliefs

  22. Is there a book, or movie, or piece of art that has profoundly impacted you? Talk about it.
  23. Is there a place you’d like to travel to? Why is it attractive? Is there a special place you’ve already travelled to?
  24. Do you have a belief you hold strongly? Describe it and why you hold it.
  25. Are there things in your life which you are passionate about? Talk about them.
  26. Talk about some things that give you hope for humanity.
  27. Are there any songs or musical pieces that have a strong effect on you? Please talk about them and how they make you feel.

    28. Relationships

  28. What’s something you’ve learned from a past friendship or romantic relationship that’s stuck with you?
  29. Have love and affection played roles in your life? Do they still?
  30. [Options: Answer for A or B (or both): How do you feel about your relationship with your [A. mother; B. Father] as you were growing up? How do you feel it was, or is, after you became an adult?
  31. How do you feel about caretaking? How do you take care of yourself in comparison with how you take care of others?

    32. Seeing Yourself

  32. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  33. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Are there things unsaid or undone now that you would change? Talk about them.
  34. Talk about a time when you spoke up for yourself. How about for someone else?
  35. Are there things that bring you small moments of joy? Can you talk about them?
  36. Do you see yourself as a practical person, or a romantic, or something else? Elaborate.
  37. Are you self-disciplined? Throughout your life, or simply parts?
  38. What sorts of things are hard for you to open up about? What might make it easier for you to open up about them?
  39. Was there ever a big change that turned your life upside down in a big way? Describe it and talk about how things came out.
  40. How do you deal with failure? How do you generally act and feel when you fail at something?